I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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