I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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