I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
