I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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