I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You can't just leave with hair like that
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
