Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
