He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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