hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
