i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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