Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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