i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
