cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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