the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
