the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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