What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
