By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
