i wish my penis had a tongue
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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