Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This baby is an asshole
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
don't judge my taste in strippers
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
