At least make sure they are 18
Why
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
the raccoons are back...
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