'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
