So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
