is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think my fart just growled at me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
