Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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