I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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