Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
