yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
