So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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