your parents love me but you hate me
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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