I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
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it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
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I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door