I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.