How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work