You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review