I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize