she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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