I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen