cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
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I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...