I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!