I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
