He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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