You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
