don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
