Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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