the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
