I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
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So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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