i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
