I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize