I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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