what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
