That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
