We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
