what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
