I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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