Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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