So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
