Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Who died my cat blue again?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
