Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
