went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
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Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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