dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
