Whod you bang
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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