He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
there is glitter all over my balls
Dear god my vagina.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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