Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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