There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
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Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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