did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
