Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Boobs speak an international language.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
