My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
wanna go halves on a baby?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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