I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
