Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
