sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Randomize
