So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
