upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
