So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
