i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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