I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
