You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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