If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
zippers are such a cool invention
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
