dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
