my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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