how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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