I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
