Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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