Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
