Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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