508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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