Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
